


In My Head

by Seungyu



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin are Best Friends, Hwang Hyunjin is a Good Friend, Hyunjin was abused in his early life, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I am also a depressed bitch so, Kim Seungmin is a Good Friend, One of these scenes is inspired by A Silent Voice, Sad Kim Seungmin, because they’re literally the only friends they have, i cant tag lmao, so none of this is real, this is all fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26341369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seungyu/pseuds/Seungyu
Summary: Seungmin and Hyunjin were best friends since 5th grade. Seungmin knew that all that mattered was keeping Hyunjin safe. He knew he didn’t matter. He’d be gone soon anyways.Of course, like all lights, they have to go out at some point.Seungmin’s light was dimming, slowly with each day.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> So   
> Apparently my notes app wanted me to fail at writing so i had a mistake in there but i fixed it :)  
> The paragraph decided to cut off randomly lmao sorry (its fixed now its okay)

Of course like all lights, they have to go out at some point.

Seungmin remembered the day he and Hyunjin met. 5th grade, middle of the school year. Seungmin had found Hyunjin sitting on the pavement, staring up at the two kids walking away. He saw the blood on their hands. He saw the blood on Hyunjin. 

Anyone would’ve ran and got an adult, but Seungmin wanted to help him, Just one on one. 

He remembered Hyunjin’s terrified look as the younger boy approached him. But his expression turned into a surprised one as he saw Seungmin’s extended hand. 

‘Are you okay!?

Let’s be friends. 

I won’t let anything happen to you again.’

Hyunjin took his hand.

From that day forth they were inseparable. And nothing happened to Hyunjin. Or Seungmin.

Until High school.

Seungmin remembered the day he was rushed to the hospital, Hyunjin yelling for him to wake up next to him. He’d been teased all year for staying by Hyunjin and then the people snapped. They closed him in the janitor’s closet, leaving a couple people to beat him up. 

‘Disgusting.

Who likes that kid?

He’s a total freak.’

The pain subsided. Everyone went black. They were just shadows. Not important. Hyunjin mattered. He needed to keep him safe. They were after Hyunjin. Seungmin only got hurt cause he was in their way.

Seungmin’s light was fading. Dim. Dull. Empty.

Seungmin was kept in the hospital for the next two months. The doctors had found something in his head after x-raying his body for anything critically injured. Broken bones, a damaged nose. Bloody jaw. And something else. 

‘Brain tumor.

Head hurts.

But the pain feels nice. It’s like something is pulling me towards death. 

Is this what it’s like to die? 

A slow painful process?

Save me... please...’

The surgery was okay at least. 

It was just some medicine to make it go away. 

But it didn’t. Maybe that was what caused all his messed up thoughts in the future. What cost his own life...

Senior year was something. Hyunjin got his license, Seungmin kept begging him to drive them around the city “just once, please!?”

“I can’t Minnie. We have mid-terms coming up and I gotta study.” 

“You’re no fun.” Seungmin joked, falling on the bed. He knew that the older was doing it for their own goods. 

Hyunjin went to college with him. Same university, same major, same dorm. Everything was like it should’ve been. They were together. And that was what mattered. Hyunjin was okay.

Seungmin knew he didn’t matter. Only Hyunjin. He was the one who was miserable all these years. Seungmin just helped him get better. 

So he tried to kill himself. 

His light was even duller. 

Almost nothing...

Just like him.

The two had a fantasy that they’d be able to buy a place for just the two of them, not an apartment. So Seungmin worked to earn them the money. 100 million won. 

“Hey... you actually did it.” Hyunjin leaned over the table and waved the envelope full of money. 

“Yeah. Funny how I earned that money just for a reason to kill myself soon...” Seungmin muttered. Hyunjin heard it and snapped. He grabbed the lighter, and ignited it. Seungmin widened his eyes. “Wh- what are you doing?”

“COME ON! SAY YOU WON’T TRY TO KILL YOURSELF AGAIN AND I WILL NOT BURN THIS! THE HUNDRED MILLION WON YOU WORKED SO HARD TO EARN FOR US TO GET A PLACE TOGETHER! SAY YOU WON’T DO IT!” Hyunjin held the envelope over the lighter. Seungmin shot up and tried to grab the paper.

“I WON’T DO IT! I PROMISE, PLEASE DON’T BURN IT!”

“SAY IT!”

“I SWEAR ON MY LIFE I WON’T TRY TO KILL MYSELF! PLEASE!” Seungmin screamed. Hyunjin let out a breath. 

“Good.” 

The paper touched the flame.

“HYUNJIN WATCH OUT!”

“AAAH!” 

“OH NO NONONO! JINNIE IT’S BURNING NO!”

And there it went. Their whole life’s plans. Burned.

Now he had a reason to kill himself. 

The river below the bridge was shallow today. Seungmin took out his earbuds and sighed, placing his phone at the edge of the bridge. He leaned against the railing watching the trees shake from the wind. Everything had a purpose, except him. 

He got up over the railing.

So why was he still here?

He stood.

‘The wind feels nice. Everything will be better once you’re gone. 

Let the wind take you off the bridge...’

“DON’T DO IT!” Hyunjin’s voice cut through Seungmin’s thoughts. The younger looked to his right and there he was. Hwang Hyunjin. Running as fast as he could across the street and trying to get to his best friend in time. 

His only friend.

Seungmin closed his eyes and pushed off.

“SEUNG, NO!” Hyunjin skidded to a stop and quickly snatched his hand. Seungmin lifted his head.

“Please, you have to hold on!

“Don’t you DARE let go!” Hyunjin screamed at Seungmin. 

Seungmin stayed silent. He stared at Hyunjin with scared eyes. Sad eyes. Empty eyes. His legs dangled in the air. Hyunjin was holding on. The slightest bit. He’d fall with him soon.

‘You matter.

You have to live.

You have to be happy.’

Seungmin grabbed the ledge of the bridge. Hyunjin breathed out in a bit of relief. 

“Please, pull yourself up... I-I’m slipping!” 

Seungmin closed his eyes and pushed off with his hand. Hyunjin’s hand was gone. 

“SEUNGMIN!!”

Hyunjin’s hand came back. Seungmin opened his eyes and found the older grabbing a bar of the bridge and holding onto Seungmin’s arm because his life literally depended on it. 

“PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T DIE! You mean so much to me!”

Seungmin’s hand reached for Hyunjin’s arm. He hesitated. 

“I KNOW YOU THINK THAT IM THE ONLY ONE WHO IS IMPORTANT BUT YOU ARE TOO! I’M RISKING MY FREAKING LIFE FOR YOURS! IF YOU WEREN’T HERE I’D BE DEAD BY NOW! YOU GAVE ME A REASON TO LIVE!” Hyunjin’s tears fell down into the water. Seungmin felt the older’s fingers slipping. He shakily grabbed his arm.

“D-don’t let go.”

“SAY IT AGAIN!” Hyunjin yelled.

“PLEASE! DON’T LET GO OF ME!” Seungmin pleaded. “I WON’T DO IT AGAIN I SWEAR! PLEASE DON’T DROP ME!”

Hyunjin’s grip tightened. 

He swung Seungmin up to the edge. 

Seungmin clutched it desperately, still holding Hyunjin’s arm. 

Hyunjin’s hand slipped. Seungmin felt his weight and couldn’t hold on

“NO!”

I’ll see you on the other side

Don’t let go.

Seungmin grabbed Hyunjin’s jacket, but not his hand. His fingers went weak.

He slipped. 

Shadows.

Everyone was a shadow

Hyunjin held the light for him to see. 

Of course like all lights, they have to go out at some point.

And the two that stood by each other their whole lives...

Suddenly faded to black.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Yay you read my garbage  
> Have a great day/night  
> Lmk what you thought in the comments if you want I don’t take harshly to criticism so please feel free to say anything as long as it’s not just outright rude


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